You ever just watch flames dance? I am amazed by the smallest things, the life that moves around me. Many times, that’s where I find my inspiration. I can light a candle, watch the smoke spiral, and the flames lick and move…it’s mesmerizing.
We need moments like this. We need to let it feed our creativity.
Today’s Story
It’s a quick scene where two lovers talk through their anxiety. I’m learning that it’s okay to speak up for yourself, to say that you need reassurance and not judge yourself for it. I spent so much of my youth suppressing myself and my needs so that I don’t become a burden to others, and that limited how I was able to connect. Now though, I can hold space for others and expect them to hold space for me as well. It’s okay. We’re all just human.
Safety
by Katrina Mitchell
He wouldn’t let me walk away.
His arm reached out immediately, as I turned away.
“Wait,” he said, pulling me back to him. I wanna say that I didn’t melt almost immediately, but that would be the biggest lie. He wrapped his arms around my waist, and my head found a place in the center of his chest. I couldn’t stop the angry tears that rolled out of my eyes, so I wiped them on his shirt. He looked down at me.
“Why are you crying?” He asked.
I sniffle and try to pull away, but he tightens his grip on me. “You frustrate the shit outta me,” I said.
He chuckled lightly. “I know,” he said. He kissed the top of my forehead, then pushed my head back a little further to place another kiss on the tip of my nose. “You’re still my favorite person.”
“You can’t just say that to keep me from being mad at you. Nothing is solved.” I pulled away from him. “We have to solve it or it will just keep coming up as an issue.”
“Okay,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. “What do you need from me right now?”
“Right now? I need to know that you hear me when I speak. That I don’t have to keep repeating the same thing over and over. I need to know that I matter to you enough for you to consider me.”
I leaned against the wall. “I’ve told you so many times that I hate being left hanging. That I get that life gets busy and sometimes you can’t always call me back or reply to a message, but don’t just go days ignoring me.”
“It wasn’t even a day though.”
“But it felt like it.”
“Okay, but I can’t help what things feel like to you.”
“But you can though,” I said. He flexes his jaw. I continued, “This is what helps me feel safe around you. Knowing that you will at least consider me. Take five seconds and send a text. Busy right now, I will call when I’m free. Or I saw your message, I can respond later. Something that lets me know I’m not sending things out into the abyss. That we’re still in this together.”
He released a deep breath, then walked over to me and took my hands in his. “Okay, listen. I am here with you. Even when we aren’t physically together, I am with you. That’s not changing. Ever. You may think you’re moving on from me one day, and that’s cool, but I’m coming with you, okay?”
I guffawed involuntarily. He squeezed my hands as he smiled widely. “But I hear you though. I will respond to make sure you remember that I’m with you. But I need you to trust me when I say I’m with you, and that’s what it is.”
I nodded, this time wiping away tears of relief. “Okay.”
“Can we stop crying now? You know I don’t like to see you hurt.”
I nodded again, and forced a smile to my face. He pulled me in for another tight hug, and whispered in my ear. “You’re it for me. If it ain’t you it’s no one else. You understand? I love you.”
My eyes widen at his words. I pulled away to look him in his face. He’d never said that before. I never said it. But was I feeling it?
“You mean that?” I said, a little dazed and startled.
“Every word.” His face was stone and serious. Dark eyes peering into mine as if to reassure me. He meant it. Did I? “You don’t have to–”
“I love you, too.” I say, cautiously.
“You don’t have to say it cuz I did.”
“But I do.” Another tear. This time he wipes it away with his thumb. “Why do you think I was so mad at you? I didn’t know if I was feeling this alone.”
“You’re definitely not,” he smiled. Then he leans down, and lays the softest, sweetest kiss on my lips, repeating the refrain before diving in for another one. The second was fiercer, possessive. I join his refrain, and we kiss, and we repeat, and we vow for long minutes against the wall.
